Respect

Equality.

I talk to essentially everybody as equals. Is there anything wrong with that? Most people, I'll try to have a decent one-on-one conversation with. But I'm not going to take extra steps to tread carefully in my conversation. I'm not going to put extra effort into making sure I'm being 'respectful'.

Respect.

That word is thrown around a lot, I think. There are a lot of adults that, upon meeting them, you realize that 'respect' is a big thing to them. What does that translate to? Don't tease them and treat them as your superior. Now maybe it's just because I don't like being in that position, but I think it's kind of ridiculous. Why does their age mean they can't talk to us as equals? I feel like my conversations would be cut short if I was constantly worried about disrespecting somebody.

Respect your elders. That line gives me troubles. I'm all for respecting people who deserve it, but I'm not sure respect should mean that you can't tease somebody or debate with them. And is age always an indicator that somebody deserves respect? Why? I never got that. People seem to get older and suddenly feel a sense of entitlement to people respecting them. To me this just seems like they want to feel better than other people.

If you've seen me in class, you probably wouldn't think that I respect my teachers, but I do. But the people I hold in high regard, the people I respect, I can talk to as equals. Otherwise they're just distant idols.

Sometimes people treat their equals badly. Friends do practical jokes on each other all the time, to the point where it is harassment - the only thing missing is a malicious intent. In these situations the intent is something different. Something that thinks it's funny.

Are they treating their friends as equals? I don't think so. That right there is a real lack of respect. But real respect shouldn't mean that you have to watch your step around somebody because they're your elders. The people I respect the most are the people I can be open and honest and frank to, people I can tease and have a good time with. To be honest, I have very little respect for the people who feel they are entitled to respect as elders. Somehow, to me, it just doesn't work like that.

Thoughts?

Barbados

Well it's the beginning of July, the month of vacations and true summer times. Me and my family are heading to Barbados today. I probably won't be able to post for a while (although admittedly you probably won't notice any difference). Hopefully I'll come back with stories, though!

See you around. Hope you all are having great summers.

Fame

Recently I have become fascinated with the Jonas Brothers.

Fascinated.

Notice the choice of words there. Not infatuated, not in love with, not a fan of.

But fascinated. Intrigued, really. Because they're at the top, pretty much. Set for life, almost as famous as it gets. Maybe not universally respected, but almost universally recognized.

How do they do it?

And I know that the real answer is Walt Disney is pulling most of the strings. But that's what gets me interested. Just which strings, and how many of them are they pulling?

There are some people who believe that these people are completely legitimate: they write all of their own songs, they write all of their lyrics by choice, and the image that they give isn't manipulated - it's just who they are.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, people such as my younger brother Andy, believe it all to be a total scam. Disney buys songs for the group, writes their lyrics to be clean, and set up their distinctive image so that nobody can say they're a bad influence.

Musicians? Or Frauds?

Now I'm pretty sure that neither of these two sides are completely right; I'm pretty certain the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I've listened to some of their songs. It's alright. Nothing special, but they're alright. They're no fantastic musicians, but I'm pretty sure they at least qualify. But at the same time, I can't help but wonder how much of it was written by them, or bought by Disney.

And then there's the whole image thing. It's a big deal because it's perfect. The image. It's too... goody two-shoes, especially when you expect musicians to be involved with parties and alcohol and drugs and whatnot. These guys wear 'purity rings', basically the same concept as a chastity belt. They have a minister, who, if I'm not mistaken, is also their father, come to all of their concerts and say a prayer beforehand. And after hearing about all of this and then listening to their lyrics... it's just hard to take them seriously.

Another facet of the possibility of them being a sham is that they are actually trapped more than we know. For all we know, Disney's got them on a restrictive, long-term contract that restrains both their musical and personal freedom. It's hard to believe that they don't sometimes, after reading about how pure their music and lifestyles are. Parents and preteens are lapping it up, throwing money at these guys.

I just want to meet these guys and have an honest conversation with them. Are they frauds with no musical integrity? Are they trapped artists? Are they self-righteous, goody-two shows pricks, or just abnormally good influences for musicians?

Who are these guys?

What makes them tick?

My Music

This is as close as I could get to uploading my music directly to my blog.

Go HERE and log in as

mr.pianodude@hotmail.com

password - alcatraz

Or feel free to sign up to the website yourself. Just thought this might make things easier. Anyway, here are four songs from my first album, Save For Rachel. Enjoy listening!

Switched

I used to have an urge to write. And it was a considerable urge, perhaps comparable to some of my fellow blogger's motivation. It's what drove me to write in this blog so much in the first place.

Things have changed though, unsurprisingly.

The real urge is now to play music, and it's still not very strong. But it is strong enough to have led me to produce an album in the course of a year or so.

I may have mentioned it, but I am now studying with Del Parkinson, the head of the music department at Boise State University. He's a great guy, but furthermore he is impressed with me, and is pushing me harder, and pushing me to practice more.

At any rate, most of the motivation that got me to write my book, or got me to write daily in this blog, is now gone. It's a pity too. I can force myself to write, and I'd like to think I can still write well, but I lack the motivation to do so on a regular basis and I feel as if I have nothing to say.

So that's why I'm writing less.

Cause I'm playing more.

I'm still trying to figure out how to upload music to this damn blog...

Sanctuary From Change

Sitting here at the computer these nights, I wonder if I'm in my own world. Everything upstairs and outside seems so distant, it's like I could be stuck alone in this one place forever.

It's not just there though. I get that feeling other places too. Sometimes in my room, or in the car. There's this strange feeling that maybe I won't be able to get out, and this'll be the last place I ever spend time again.

You may be thinking that this is strange, but not so if you think about it. There are people who lock themselves up in a house all the time. Recluses. Hermits. Their lives are confined to a single space. Things don't change for them.

I can almost understand why people choose this way of life. The world is a scary thing. Things and people change. And change is hard. Why not try to block out the change, and make your life a ritual?

I think we all do this to an extent - We keep something in our life that we can always count on to be the same, or something that we try to keep the same. We make habits, and items, as a sanctuary from change.

For example, I've talked about my bracelets before. This one on my right wrist has been on for years now, and the one on my left wrist was on for almost a year as well. I kept them on constantly.

But now one of them is gone.

I'm not going to explain how it happened, but the bracelet on my left wrist is gone. Maybe this shouldn't matter, but it does. Those bracelets were a part of me. They stayed with me through it all - the thick and the thin, the joy and the sorrow, all of my experiences from the past years. If you could see their history, you could see me change and grow.

These two things have become two of the most spiritual things in my life. I kissed them on occasion for good luck, and before major milestones in my life. Hell, I kissed them before I got confirmed. And one of them is gone. Emotionally, it's like all those stories are gone, and I miss all the sentiment of having both of them. Physically I can actually feel that it's gone. My body's gotten so used to having these things on, and now it almost seems to miss them.

Am I being silly? I can't tell. Should it hurt like this, when you lose a sanctuary?

More Dreams

Well we had our EDG3! show a while back, and it went very well. It feels great to finally get onstage and do a performance with the band. A real performance anyway. It's not like the Christmas concerts and stuff counted - this time we had lighting, and even a bit of choreography. It feels good - a big improvement on our concerts last year.

I got my name on a plaque for the second time this year. Felt good. I asked Mr. Haskell (band director) if it was possible to get the award next year, and he gave me some projects to consider.

1. Composing a piece for the band to learn and enter into a competition.
2. Composing a new piece of christmas music for the christmas concert.
3. Writing the show for next year, which very well may be a full-blown musical.

This is going to be awesome. You have no idea how this enthralls me.

On other news, now that summer has begun for me, I have found myself more bored than usual. I'm actually going to have to make up some credit in Algebra II over the summer, but I'm alright with that. I haven't started yet, that's the thing.

I'm beginning to mix up real life with my dreams. I store something, or find something somewhere, and when I wake up, part of me honestly believes that it's there. It's strange when you feel like you know where something is, and then realize that you based that off of a dream you recently had. It's like I'm going insane... I hope I'm not! Or, at least, I hope I'm not going more insane...

Oh! And I bought a microphone. Standard sort with the three prong plug in, not the greatest one out there, but pretty standard. Alon with that and the recently purchased boom stand, things are beginning to look pretty cool.

I had a piano recital this Thursday, and I played 'Oh Danny Boy' flawlessly. Listening to the other kids play their songs, I remember when I, like them, used to pause in the middle of a performance after a mistake, trying to correct it. I can't blame them. It's natural for them. But after getting used to performing, you get better and better at covering up your mistakes and truckin' right over them. It's and invaluable skill to have at this point in the game. It was a nice throwback though, and the recital was fun. Been so long since I've had a recital. Performances, sure, but recitals...

By the way, I'm bored. Anybody reading this nearby, take note, you should hang out with me. Yeah...

Focus

Alright Brian, I'll try to focus my points.

Today's theme! Music.

So I finally put Save For Rachel in production and managed to start selling it. Or finish selling it. See, we made forty copies, and I sold them for five dollars a piece.

They're all pretty much gone now. I'm sold out! What with this and the money from gifts for confirmation, I have more money right now than I ever have had on hand. I plan on using the money for musical equipment. Maybe a mic.

The equipment would come in handy, because I'm finally getting my own band together. No ideas for the name yet, but we've got most of our members solidly in place. By now we've had a couple of practices.

On top of that, as you may have gathered, the original cover concert concept for the band did not go through - EDG3 took it's place this year. Now that's it's summer, I've decided to start working on the production, making it into a full-fledged show with acting, stage presence, you name it. It'll be great.

EDG3! is tomorrow. Boy, am I excited.

My brother is begging to take the place of my current bass player and I'm considering it these days.

I played at mass a couple of weeks ago. Damn, that was fun.

Oh! And I believe that I'm going to have an audition with Del Parkinson at some point this summer. He's apparently the biggest name in piano in Boise. If I studied under him, it would be a huge boon to my musical knowledge. I hope it works out.

And I may have found a new album. I'll mention it later, don't worry...

Finals Week

Yes, it's that time of year again. Time for pain and constant studying. Time for pivotal grades and unimaginable stress.

Time for finals.

Funny thing is I'm writing this during my first final - advanced computer programming. I'm pretty sure I aced it, but I'm also pretty sure it doesn't matter. We already had the AP test and I'm fairly certain I passed it. Mr. Holdridge said that if we passed it we automatically get an A in the class. I could've skipped it if I had wanted to. But I didn't.

You should've seen the halls this morning. Never do you see so many people running around, trying to memorize information. It's pretty ridiculous.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think finals is that bad of an idea, but the thing is (at least at our school), finals have become a requirement. Teachers MUST give out a test the day of finals. That's where I take objection. Teachers should not be forced to give out a huge test at the end of the year. If they feel that it's necessary, than sure, but some classes don't really fit the bill. How are you supposed to give out a final in Horticulture? Or Moral Decision-Making? Or even Theology, if you spent most of your time in deep conversation about ethics rather than church history.

Either way, I'm not going to be getting great grades this semester. I've got two confirmed A's, but I'm afraid that may be all I'm getting this time around. I'll still be lucky if I pass Algebra II.

Ah well. It's just school. I'll keep that in mind.

What To Say...

Brian, help me out. What do you do when your life's so chaotic that you don't know what to blog about? It's hard to funnel these events in my life to produce some sort of moral or cohesive story at al. I just feel lost in my own life's happenings. It's all too much.

Well I'm having trouble filter it out, so I'll try to say it all.

School - My schoolwork's taking a hit because of my disorganization, and my absolute loathing of Algebra II. I'm going to have to pull out some serious studying for finals if I want to salvage myself. My interactions with my friends and acquaintances are changing rapidly, and I'm not sure how to react. Old friends suddenly start to look like trash, and bare acquaintances show an incredible person. Through it all, I find myself much more understanding than anybody in the school. I hear sharp, harsh 'shut ups' thrown around all the time to outsiders, and I hate it. I can't even remember the last time I said that and meant it seriously.

Music - The new piano lessons are going great. Did I mention? I may not have. I have a new teacher. Really cool dude. In contrast, the band is attempting a concert, but we are botching it terribly, and at this point, I dread that the thing will fail entirely - it won't happen, or won't be very good. Apart from that, I'm getting gigs weekly now, and it has had a profound affect on my life. Suddenly I work part-time (sort of). My income for a month has doubled. But on the other end of that, I'm spending a lot more on music as well - Save For Rachel is in final production stages, but with all the money by now that I've spent on CDs and cases and production in general, I'll have to sell at least ten albums to make up for my losses. Let me just say, I had better sell more than ten albums. If you're interested in receiving one, I will be selling them next week at school, and extras at any of my gigs (5 dollars a pop). If you're just a blog reader and interested, leave a comment and I'll try to figure something out. I'm still trying to get a band together...

Confirmation - I'm getting confirmed this coming Monday. I'm not sure what to think - my morality right now is still tossed about. I feel like I'm making progress, but I am so, so unsure of everything in life right now. Maybe this will help me find my way again. But I'm not sure it will.

I'm sure there's more to say, but there's too much too say to bother saying it. And if anybody knows how to upload mp3's to a blog, please, please leave a comment.

Maturity

Alright, I'm not claiming to be mature, but I do think that I'm becoming more mature. I can just feel it.

I can't talk about everything on my blog, or even most things, for the obvious reasons, as well as some reasons not so obvious, but I think I'm going to start changing my ways. For the better.

The problem about trying to gauge maturity, is that who am I to say? I mean, last year, I thought I was mature, but this year I know how wrong I was. I can just hope that I'm maturing somewhat. I certainly feel like I'm more mature. But there really isn't just anyway to tell.

A sign for me that perhaps I am maturing is that I'm looking at my friends differently. Behaviors that used to seem fine now look almost obnoxious.

Obviously things are changing.

I probably should've expected as much, being a teenager and all. It feels more dramatic than I expected, though. Maybe, just maybe, I'm growing up a little. Sometimes I forget I'm still just a kid.

Lean On Me

I never really saw myself as somebody that people would run to, but apparently I was wrong.

I've found myself in a position where I've become several people's confidants. It's interesting, but it's also quite a bit of responsibility. I felt good that I wouldn't have to deal with a lot of stupid freshmen relationships and problems when I got used to being a sophomore. People were more mature. Not by much, but at least we weren't freshmen.

But, I've found that many of my friends are freshmen, which means i still have to deal with their ridiculous antics. I don't mind it really. It makes me feel wise. I even have to deal with some of my own classmates occasionally too. It's usually relationships that I end up trying to intervene in, and usually I talk to the guy. I don't know as many of the girls.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not really some busybody going around trying to fix people's lives. It's not like that. But when something needs to be said, I'm gonna be the one to stand up and say it. I'll try to be soft. A lot of problems between people come down to a simple misunderstanding. I'll let them know the problem, and let them consider it. Just to make sure that they're aware of what's going on, what other people are thinking.

It's entertaining really.

I don't understand why people would want to confide in me specifically. Personally I seem like a bad candidate for such a thing. But apparently that's just me, because I have often found myself offering advice to a troubled person as best I can, on everything to music to girls to depression. Somebody recently told me I should be a psychologist.

I guess I'm a comforting person. Ha. Alright. I just try to be there, I suppose....

First Gig

Disclaimer: That is not me, nor is it my guitar.

Apathy and distraction suck, let me tell you.

I rue the day that teachers invented BlackBoard (online homework system). I had a tough enough time doing homework in my room all alone. I'd get distracted even then. How did they think it was that good of an idea? Wasn't it obvious that people would end up on Facebook, or YouTube, or anywhere but where they are supposed to be?

Ugh. It sucks. My grades for this semester aren't going to be too hot, not at all. My grades this first quarter were really bad with Dad and all, and I'm not having much luck trying to make up for it this quarter.

But it doesn't matter, and you know why? I've already made up my mind about my career, and I'm fairly certain that I'll want to do the same thing for ages. I want to be a musician, plain and simple. I actually just played my first gig this last Friday at the Dream Cafe. It didn't turn out like I expected (I was double-booked, took shifts with two other musicians, and ending up playing (and singing) mostly on guitar) but for the most part it turned out well. It's a miracle too - I got the job just as I ran broke, and now I've got enough to make it through the month. Barely, but still.

So I'll try to keep up with schoolwork, but I'm not honestly too worried about it. With my music, I've got plenty of backup plans. In fact, if I do go to college, it will be mostly to try to do something more with my music, maybe join some cool music program.

Also, I kind of lied about Save For Rachel. Underestimated production time and what-not. Still looking to get cover art and booklets and what not. So may be a couple of weeks, because I'm heading to Seattle this coming weekend. Sorry, any BK readers.

For now though I'll try to keep up with my homework after practicing piano. That's my priorities right there.

A Much Needed Update

Lately, I've lost interest in the blogging career, as you may have noticed. Part of it has been that I've been busy, but part of it has just been my own forgetfulness and laziness. But Mr. Harris and Rachel are both reading this, and that's enough to keep me going. Hell, maybe even Brian and Silver will pop in. Shout-out to any and all of my readers.

Well anyway, I'll try to get you up to speed.

The album's well on it's way, and the final product will be fourteen to fifteen songs in length. The genre, I believe, is folk indie rock. It's just whatever I write really, but from what I've heard, that's what my music sounds like.

The school band is on the road to putting together an awesome show for the end of the year, one combining elements of shows such as Stomp, Blue Man Group, that sort of thing. I will have an entire solo piece to myself. The whole thing will be amazing. I hope that you can come. Details will follow later.

Troy and I have both been kicked out of Event Horizon, the old band we were in, for what we see as very dumb reasons. I won't go into it in length, but we are in a new band now. Ironically, it's the one that we were very competitive while we were with Event Horizon. They're called The Absolute. We're not half bad.

I have a new piano teacher, named Danny Beal. Me and Jules split paths a while ago out of mutual agreement. Despite that sad fact, Danny is really good, and I think he's perfect for me. Unfortunately, I haven't been getting to practice as much as I would like, but I am trying. Danny tells me that he had taught kids similar to me before who are now playing at clubs for $400 upwards a night. Sounds like one hell of a backup plan for me. ha.

The campaigning starts next week. I'm running for Junior President. I have plenty of campaign ideas and posters already. If you're a sophomore and you're reading this, please vote for me, and tell others to do the same. Third time's the charm. (I've run twice in the past)

I've also managed to reach the epitome of nerd-dom. Dungeons and Dragons. Yep.

I've finished Mondays by now, and started a new book called Luck. I think I'll post the first chapter or two of that here later. If you want to receive Mondays, leave a comment with your email, then delete it (I'll see it, but you won't be spammed).

That's all I can think of right now. I'll try to post again soon.

Save For Rachel

I may not have mentioned that I've done a lot of composing music lately, but I have been. In fact, with all of my old music (some of it having been remastered recently) and the new music I've managed to do, I've compiled a rough draft of my first album, called Save for Rachel.

The name of the album comes from an inside reference and I girl I'm falling for. The original name was Save for Wilson, and it was inspired by the first day of band. When we got to school, there were several boxes with 'Save for Wilson' written on them. Mr. Haskell pointed out that it'd be a good band name (or as he mentioned, at least better than 'Death Cab for Cutie'). At any rate, since that point I've been determined to start a band or do something involving that phrase. This is a compromise, and a step towards actualizing the full goal.

As for Rachel, she's a girl. And I like her. Enough to dedicate an album to her and give the prototype to her with a bonus track.

I've got other plans for the album, though. I think I'll keep the name, but I plan to add some more songs, fine-tune everything, and sell it at school for next to nothing. I can also use this to my advantage. You see, I'm running for Junior Class President. So, normally, I'll charge two dollars per album (still really cheap), but if it's a sophomore and they pledge a vote, it's a dollar. Say what you want about selling votes, but it's my material, and it's a fair discount.

I'd post some of the music up, but I don't know how. If anybody knows how to post up MP3s to a blog, please leave a comment, trying to explain, or just linking to something that will. Much appreciated.

Twilight

Lately, there's been a storm of resentment building up in me against the whole twilight phenomena. The movie turned out to be such a big deal that I went, grudgingly, with a friend and sat through it. And over the last couple of days, during the trip to Seattle, we've burned through an audiobook version of New Moon, the second book in the Twilight series. I'm not sure why we listened to that before popping in To Kill A Mockingbird, a much appreciated change in pace. It was mostly for Andy's sake, who slept through most of it, due to illness. Of course, I doubt he had sincere interest in listening to the book either. More likely, he was listening to it to gain the infinite female appeal that twilight readership seems to carry with it.

After finishing the last, fourteenth disc of the book (which seemed an ungodly length for a relatively uneventful book), Mom made her own observations. Coining the term from Dad: Bubble Gum, she called it. Tastes alright, but no substance. Now I'm not necessarily against bubble gum media. It can be fun from time to time.

But this has gotten out of hand.

I haven't met a girl who hasn't gotten defensive or irrational when the quality of Twilight came into question. Often, I've heard excuses along the lines of, "You just don't get it. There's a special bond between Bella and Edward. It's true love." THEY'RE TEENAGERS! And what's more annoying is seeing girls almost worship this fictional character in all of his fantastic beauty. I've seen way too many pictures of Edward (from the movie) posted up in girl's locker. I can almost understand it. I mean, this seems to have struck a soft spot in just about every girl alive, the soft spot for romanticism and sentimentalism.

But it's still gotten out of hand.

It also wouldn't be so bad if the book series could actually claim to be a good influence. It's tried to make it's claim as a good influence, but it's not. Edward is abusive, Bella is unhealthy, and the culture that the book's popularity has formed is frightening, and frighteningly large. I know I'm biased, but at least I'm sort of backed up. This book review is from national review online. Here's the link.

If you don't feel like wading through it, here's the final summary.

In the final analysis, Meyer has deprived her characters of both choices and consequences. And young readers are left with the image of a girl who discovers her own worth and gets all she ever wanted, by giving up her identity and throwing away nearly everything in life that matters.

That’s scarier than any vampire.

Yes. Yes it is.

But, if you've seen the movie and are looking for a good laugh at it's expense, here's another link.

Expect pictures of the road trip coming up...

Spring Break

It's Spring Break.

I'm getting my camera ready...

25 Random Things

Note: I did this because I kept on getting tagged on Facebook to do it. It's one of those Facebook fads. Generally those annoy me. If you have a Facebook profile, please do not encourage or take part in such annoying behavior. But I put a certain amount of effort into this note, so here it is.

1. This may be difficult for me. Twenty-five things...

2. Oh! My age. There's an easy one. I'm 15. I keep on wanting to say something else. I guess it doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well as 13 does...

3. My grade. I'm a sophomore, but due to a lot of factors that have added up in a just fucking silly way, a lot of people mistake for a Junior. No joke. See, for the first semester I actually had second lunch with the Juniors and Seniors. I actually served on the lunch crew. So I guess a lot of upper classmen just assumed I was a Junior. They actually had me on BK Spotlight and they called me a Junior. So that's definitely a reliable source...

4. My friends. Well apparently I'm popular. I know most people, and I'm friends with most of them, except for those annoying-ass people in the back of the room who gossip on and on about absolutely NOTHING. And then one of the guys says some blatent insult or harrases her, or something along those lines, and all she can ever think to say is, "You're so rude." Girls, please take note. That is not going to dissuade anybody, especially if it's completely hypocritical (which it almost always is). Curse at somebody who's pissing you off. Then they'll back off.

5. Close friends. Most of the band, Troy, half of the debate club, and occasionally somebody from class or drama are among my close friends.

6. Marriage. I'm married. Yep. Me and Troy Garcia - heterosexual life partners. Essentially, we're married, but not gay. Of course we have no trouble acting like it. It's awfully fun. If you're reading this, I love you Troy!

7. Family. I am blessed with one hell of a family. My annoying little brother Andy(14), my wise older brother Michael(21), and the ever-practical older sister Jessica(23). My mother's great. My Dad was an incredible man as well, and his impression on me will never fade...

8. More Family. I've got a plethora of cousins and uncles and aunts. Many of them are musicians. Which is really cool, because family band is the epitome of awesome when it's pulled off right. And if anybody knows how to pull it off right, it's the Cieslaks. (that means you Calvin, and Brian too)

9. Strangers. They're usually uncomfortable around me. Unless they're friendly. Then it's great. But I usually come on strong... well whatever. That's more there problem than mine.

10. Wow, we're just burning through these, huh?

11. School. Let me out...................It's so bad..... but I do alright. I get good grades, usually keep myself within A's and B's. Mostly my problem is my natural tendency to sink into a rut, into lethargy. It sucks when I do...

12. Extra-Curricular. Well, drama is the only thing that really applies. I've been in two plays, both pretty fun, and both turning out to be huge commitments. It's funny, I actually started drama because of my lethargy.... Irony....

13. Music. I am a musician. And I like to think I'm a good one. I play piano primarily, a little bit of alto sax, some ocarina, and a good chunk of guitar. And I know enough about drums to write music for them. I've been playing for as long as I remember, and know a lot about music theory.

14. Band. Highly tied in to #13. Because of my experience in music and music theory, I have become a sort of assistant director for the school band. I arrange more than half of the new music we play, and I'm helping put together a concert we're planning on...

15. Other Band. We're called Event Horizon. Standard sort of basement rock band. I've been kicked out once before, and my status is usually tentative - I can be kicked out at any time. I was kicked out because I was originally too bossy, probably because of being assistant director. But I use a softer word these days, and things seem to be going well with this band...

16. Drama. I'm an actor. Sort of. I've been in two school plays - 'So Totally Over You' and 'Anne Frank'. They are fun, but they usually prove to be much bigger commitments than I predict. I hope to do a few more before I graduate. It's fun.

17. Sports. Well I'm not very athletic, but I do play hockey, of all things. I play for the Bishop Kelly hockey team. Or at least, I did, before the school decided to get rid of the hockey team. We are technically no longer affiliated with the school. It's kind of dumb that they kicked us out, but also kind of school because we're not part of the school!

18. Mondays. I've written a book, called Mondays. It's not that great, but I'd love to suppose that's it mildly entertaining. It's double spaced and above three hundred pages though, so I feel a a little bit proud about that.

19. Programming. I'm apparently quite apt at it, as I soon discovered after taking the school's introductory Java class, and switching early into the advanced class at semester. I'm still working on a text-based game similar to Fire Emblem.

20. Young Wizards. Do a little research, and you'll discover that I was involved with a bit of fan-art based off the young wizards book series, which I used to be a fanatic of. I still love the books - they're like a mix between Harry Potter and A Wrinkle In Time....

21. Three Backpacks and a Guitar. An album I've been working on for a while. I've already done some good songs, but the problem is that I really don't think the sound of my voice is good enough. Maybe I'll get somebody else to do it.

22. Video Games. Love 'em. Specifically Nintendo, although I admit I'm very disappointed in them as of late. All of the old games they used to make are incredible, and even more great considering the age they were produced, but they have gotten into a bad habit of using gimmicks instead of content and quality to make money. It's unfortunate that it works so well... let's hope they do something right with the money they make...

23. Homework. What, you think I do my homework? Why do you think I'm writing this thing?

24. The Randomness Of Life. That's my blog. If you're reading this from Facebook rather than my blog itself, here's the address - http://alcatraz014.blogspot.com

25. Well that's all I have to say right now. Oh! And check out "The Order of the Stick" if you're still bored. I'm out!

Google Maps

Props to Google.

I found this picture of Elm Grove Park while virtually walking through the north end. Had a picture for every third of a block or so, and you could toggle the picture around - look up, to the left, right, down, zoom in a bit, whatever. Something is really fascinating about that.

Where did they get all those pictures? That's starting to confuse me. I mean, I understand how they can scan the earth from a bird's eyes view with their nifty satellites, but how on earth are they getting pictures like this? It looks like you'd have to be standing there, looking towards it, or looking up, to get a lot of these. It's a bit puzzling.

But it's not a bad thing. It's incredible really. It's like magic. We're getting close to a point where satellites and cameras will be interconnected in such a way that they can take high quality still-pictures of the entire earth at any point in time. They could maybe clean up their whole interface. It was a bit difficult to move virtually through the north end. Something seems fascinating about the ability, though, to look through what you neighborhood, or your planet was like at a point in time. It's a new sort of power that we've never had before.

I'm still confused though. How are they getting all of these pictures? If you've got any idea, leave a comment, because I'm still perplexed.

Uncertainty

They say death and taxes are the only sure things in life.

But say your government falls into anarchy, and there are no taxes?

And say medicine advances far enough to cure death?

What then can you be sure of?

Of course, I understand what the old saying means. Nothing in life is certain. And I agree. I keep on thinking I know something, and then I find out I'm wrong.

I remember when I went to camp at Camp Orkilah back in Washington talking about certainty. These kids told me that if you believed something, truly, one hundred and ten percent believed something as a complete fact, it would become a fact. If you truly believed the wall wasn't there, it would disappear. Of course, the catch was that you can never actually be completely, one hundred percent sure of anything. Ever.

It's supposed to be a statement about the power of perception. I don't believe that, but it does point out something about certainties. They're not one hundred percent.

I thought I had death figured out, to an extent. People didn't just die unless it was a tragic accident or medical problem, whether it was preexisting or recently attained. I was wrong. I remember, I was talking to my cousin Cathy. She mentioned her first husband, who died tragically. He felt crummy one morning, Cathy and the couple's son went out for chores, and when they came back, he was dead. The doctors couldn't find the cause of the death and filed it as unknown.

So, I'm not certain of anything more. A man can look fine today and be dead or terminally ill the next day. There is an inherent chaos and instability and uncertainty to life that will ironically never change. All we can do is try to understand it.

Death and taxes... Nothing is certain.

A Warning

I don't think I'll be talking about my late Dad much. I'm not trying to just move on, or whatever, I just don't really want to write about it, or I feel like I lack the eloquence to do it. So when you see new posts that make it seem like I'm just fine, it's not because I'm over it, it's just that I don't want to write about him. It still haunts me, but I knew it would. So I'm just warning you. Besides, my uncle is doing a much better job of writing about Gary than I ever could have done... (Switch2planb.com)

Requiem Part 2

It's been more than a week since Dad's death.

We held the funeral in the beautifully redone St. Mary's. That Dad never got to see finished...

I've been back to school.

But it's not the same.

It never will be.

Even if it's something in the back of my head,

Reminding me when I wake up.

About that terrible year that Dad's life was slowly sucked away.

He died on January 30th, a few days before Groundhog's Day, which would've been the anniversary of the last time he walked and the last time we took him to the hospital.

Because after that we wouldn't let him leave home.

I can't believe that after that year, in the course of 365 days, that he is so gone.

Everyday, I wake up,
And I'm reminded for a moment,
For the pain a man suffered,
And the inevitable loss his family felt as he died.
I say to myself, "My Dad is dead.
I have one parent who's dealing with the intensity of her own loss,
Which I must say is alot stronger for her."

But everyday, when I go to bed, I try to remember who he was before the cancer.
I remember this quote that has been repeated many times upon Dad's death.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have
kept the faith.

And I ask myself,
Would he be proud of me right now?

Requiem

When I came home Monday, Dad was unresponsive, laying there, in the hospital bed we had moved into the bedroom a week earlier. A priest was standing over Dad as I walked in, speaking some sort of blessing over him. I joined my family around him. Tears flowed freely as we realized how close our dear father was to death.

Over the course of the day, Dad miraculously sustained somewhat stable conditions while family and friends arrived at house. Mom's friend Beth, and Gary's father, Don. Dad survived the night, but remained unresponsive and of declining, hopeless health. By the end of the next day, Uncle David, Uncle Brian, Uncle Jeff, Aunt Kim, and Aunt Amy, as well as a few of their spouses. We convened in Dad's bedroom, sitting by him, standing watch.

His whole family was there in the house.
His wife, laying next to him on the hospital bed, squeezed up against the metal bars.
His siblings, scattered around the bedroom, or throughout the house helping.
His dad, sitting solemnly in the armchair.
His kids, kissing him goodnight and sleeping on the floor to be near to him.
Even his dog Yogi was there, sitting vigilantly next to him on the bed.

A hospice nurse came by, and estimated that he could last a couple of days. By Wednesday, Mom began to prepare us, telling us she anticipated Dad's death sometime that night. But he held on.

By Thursday, Gary's vitals were decreasing. Not shocking, but an ominous sign of his imminent death. Mom, with more certainty this time, told us Dad would probably die during the night. But he held on.

On Friday, a chaplain from St. Luke's came by and prayed a blessing over Dad. Mom cried silently into Dad's shoulder. The chaplain left. And suddenly, Dad's breathing became astoundingly shallow. Mom called us over, intuiting her husband's last moments. His kids came to him and held his hand, whispering "I love you, Dad"s as Gary passed away.

It was no surprise, really, to anybody.

Somehow I thought that would soften the blow.

It didn't.

The problem here is that this is more than the death of a father, or a husband, or a brother, or a son. It's so much more. Words fail to explain it.

(to be continued?)

Breaking the Weekend Down

Friday -
Varsity Hockey Game. We tied, 2-2.
Band performance. We got asked to come back the following night, even though it wasn't scheduled.

Saturday -
Varsity Playoff Hockey Game. We lost, by a considerable margin. A goalie had to step in for ours, and he wasn't any good. Final score was something like 9-1.
Band performance. Pretty good, but they had something planned for halftime, which was kind of frustrating, seeing as we were asked to come and play.
Soc-hop. Came right after the game. Kind of a flop, and I didn't really dance, but still kind of fun. The student body managed to get glow stick all over the place, throw some at the DJ, and break one of the windows up front. I think that was kind of funny.

Sunday -
Helping Jessica move. What a pain. Seriously, it took forever. Having my aunt Terri there helped though.
Band practice. Not BK Band practice, but practice with a more personal band called Event Horizon. I play keyboard, obviously. I didn't get to play much, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

Monday -
Oh, but nothing could quite prepare me for Monday...

Fine, I'm Not Quitting

Happy now?

I can't leave this blog. I was looking back over some of my older material, and I remembered one of the concepts of this blog. I wasn't out to write big, long, articulate essays, just small muses on life or stories about my day. Or whatever. So how can I not have time for this blog?

I do have time. And to an extent I've made some time for this. I recently obtained my driver's license (yes all of you, beware) so I can stay after school later than usual - about an hour. I've been using most of this time to type up Mondays, but the book is almost done. I only have one chapter left to type. So I'll start using this time slot to write my posts.

Aside from almost finishing Mondays, I have been working on the Cover Concert for the BK Band. I've already arranged five of the thirteen songs. In contrast, the actual director is working on finishing his first. But he's busy anyhow, I can't hold it against him. I'm working on getting some singers and some lights. It will be a real show. Plan on coming. Projected Date: February 28th.

I bought my brother his bike, and showed it to him. It was about two hundred dollars, and it seems to be a fairly nice bike. We haven't assembled it yet... It looks like the semester of being on lunch crew for second lunch have finally paid off. Andy (little brother) is grateful.

In other news, the new class schedule is interesting. At some point I will discuss the new schedule and the various classes in some depth.

Thanks, if you came back.
Thanks, if you read this at all.

I Quit

Until Further Notice...