My Existential Halloween

Damn you Brian.

It was only a matter of time before your existential angst spread to somebody else.

Spread to me.

So when I found myself in the school chapel this Halloween, while the dance raged on just a room away, I knew who I got it from.

Thanks a lot.

Anyhow, after playing some music at the game, I did go to the dance. But it's a different animal these days than it was freshmen year. It's not that the dances have changed all that much, but I broke up with Emma a while back, and now I go to the dances without a date.

Which should be fine, but look at the dances! Essentially it's just one big massive pit of students, nearly all of them 'grinding'. Which is fine and good fun and all when you've got a date, but what about when you don't? You have to work your way through the crowd looking for somebody to dance with. Which isn't easy at all.

I still manage to have fun at the dances, most of the time. But something ticked inside me last night and I sat down in the chapel a room away, deep in existential angst. Wishing things about my faith and religion... Wishing things about my ambitions... about my grades....

And wondering quite a bit whether there's a girl out there for me. A true soulmate. I'm really, really weird. I fear that there just isn't a girl that would complement me perfectly. That there really isn't anybody like me out there....

My love-life's kind of a mess, but I'll get into that later....

100 views

Well I've made it. It took a month and a half, but my profile has finally gotten past 100! HOORAY!!! HURRAH!!! ALCATRAZ014 FOREVER!!! etc.

Of course, I didn't do this on my own. If you've noticed, there's a list of non-blog links on the sidebar. Those are all games that are accessible from school, and since adding them, I've gotten alot of people coming for the conveniency of not having to google their game everytime they want to play. I don't mind, I think it's a worthy addition to the sidebar.

Let me give you an overview of Friday and Saturday. Friday was unproductive, and I got my phone taken away. Somewhat ironically, I was taking a picture of Seth to send to a website so he could use it when Mr. Worrell caught me. He took it away, but not before I could press send. The problem is that when you send a picture to blogspot, it sends a text back, and I've got my phone set to vibrate every minute when there is a new message until it is read. So when the phone was taken to the dean of students, he had to deal with it vibrating on and off all day, rattling in his metal desk. When I finally got it back at the end of the day, he said he had wanted to throw it out the window. I shrugged and took it back gratefully.

After school I went home and lounged around. A doctor called about dad's chemo, and after a few melancholy, worried moments, we decided to try to spend some time together by watching Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. After watching it a second time, I think Gandalf represents Moses. But that could just be me after all. I had a really good time sitting down with my family.

At any rate, I was about to go to bed when my friend called me up and asked me whether or not I was going to the dance that night. I was halfway to bed and it seemed absurd to go anywhere at the time, but I decided to call for a ride and go. And so like my friends, I ended up dancing to obnoxious rap songs that I didn't care for. But I danced nonetheless. If you can call what I do dancing. I can't. It's more like bouncing up and down in time with my hands at my sides. But as far as I can tell, that's what all the guys were doing, unless they were there with someone, in which case they would do the same thing with their hands on a girl's hips. And I've noticed something. Nobody ever looks at each other in a slow dance! They just stare around them looking at other people. Well that's American dances for you, eh?

I'll fill you in on Saturday tomorrow, I'm gonna get some sleep.