A Warning

I don't think I'll be talking about my late Dad much. I'm not trying to just move on, or whatever, I just don't really want to write about it, or I feel like I lack the eloquence to do it. So when you see new posts that make it seem like I'm just fine, it's not because I'm over it, it's just that I don't want to write about him. It still haunts me, but I knew it would. So I'm just warning you. Besides, my uncle is doing a much better job of writing about Gary than I ever could have done... (Switch2planb.com)

Requiem Part 2

It's been more than a week since Dad's death.

We held the funeral in the beautifully redone St. Mary's. That Dad never got to see finished...

I've been back to school.

But it's not the same.

It never will be.

Even if it's something in the back of my head,

Reminding me when I wake up.

About that terrible year that Dad's life was slowly sucked away.

He died on January 30th, a few days before Groundhog's Day, which would've been the anniversary of the last time he walked and the last time we took him to the hospital.

Because after that we wouldn't let him leave home.

I can't believe that after that year, in the course of 365 days, that he is so gone.

Everyday, I wake up,
And I'm reminded for a moment,
For the pain a man suffered,
And the inevitable loss his family felt as he died.
I say to myself, "My Dad is dead.
I have one parent who's dealing with the intensity of her own loss,
Which I must say is alot stronger for her."

But everyday, when I go to bed, I try to remember who he was before the cancer.
I remember this quote that has been repeated many times upon Dad's death.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have
kept the faith.

And I ask myself,
Would he be proud of me right now?

Drama Indeed

I feel like I don't have anything to write about most of the time, but there are some reasons behind that. One, I really am quite busy. I joined the play again, and so now I'm at school until six practicing every weekday. And the sophomore schoolwork isn't getting any easier. So it leaves me with very little time.

But I think a second, more interesting reason that I haven't been writing lately is because I've become quite numbed to the day-to-day drama that I used to be able to write about. But now it just doesn't seem interesting. That's not to say that there haven't been interesting things happening. How could I have not told all of you that my parents just got back from a cruise in Alaska, and that they were gone for a week? How could I have not told you about asking a junior out to homecoming and getting turned down (in my defense, she already had a date)? How could I have not told you about writing a song for a biology presentation? How could I not have told you about my older brother Michael, who recently started his own blog so he could write about his studying abroad? How could I not have told you about my uncle Brian's so called "intervention" for existential angst? How people keep putting games on the Bishop Kelly shared drive on my files? Or how I'm still working on Mondays, and just finished typing chapter 7? Or how I've already arranged/wrote two songs for the Bishop Kelly Band (one was Bittersweet Symphony, and the other was a "One Tin Soldier" Cover I wrote myself)? Or how I'm devising plans for another run for school president, involving the revival of the USJ and a musical performance for the speech? How I found (or rather how it found me) a way to save up basically all of my monthly allowance? How I honestly suspect that I've been subject to identity theft this month? How I heard about and found the entrance to Gnome-land (Bishop Kelly students, if you don't get this one, try asking around, you may be surprised)? And how I'm still trying to get together a functional band amidst all the chaos of my day-to-day life?

Shame on me.

You could say I'm taking for granted the randomness of life. I ought to think more about how lucky I am to be so strange and do so many things. By the way I've been posting, you'd think my life was dull.

Dull! Ha!

I laugh at the thought of me having a dull life. I have always tried to make my life exciting. And with a few exceptions in the long stretch of summer, I have always succeeded.

So look forward to some more regular posting from now on. Of course, if you do get bored, you can always switch 2 plan b...