Well I'm not sure what caused it or why it's happening, but I seem to be spinning through the summer, losing all sense of morality and direction. I wish I knew why, or at least how to fix it, but I have no idea how to cope with this. It just seems that the voices that usually guide me to do the right thing are gone. And I'm lost without them.
As for what caused it, it may or may not be the summer mindset. Summer is what every student looks forward to for the entirety of the school year, and it tends to disappoint. But how can it not? I mean I here my friends telling me that there summer is lame even though they seem to be spending all of their time with friends and not working. They, like me, have a feeling there ought to be something more to summer. It's supposed to be the ultimate vacation, the ultimate party.
I'm not saying that this viewpoint is valid or reasonable or any of those things, but it does tend to be what teenagers think of the summer. It's hard to quell that feeling that you're missing something in the summertime. The only time it doesn't seem to bubble up and vocalize is when they're actually living up to their expectations for the moment. So at a party they won't complain, but once the party's over, it won't be long until the sensation rises up again.
Part of this feeling makes some people feel not obliged to work, when in reality, they should. I know that I never feel like doing chores or cleaning up in the summer, even if it's the last thing on the world to do. This problem plagues me in particular, and I'm beginning to wish I had my old work ethic back. It wasn't a great one but it was at least semi-functional. This one's not functional at all.
As for morality, I don't know what's going on. All I know is that I'm gonna have to fix it soon, because summer's not even close to done, and I can't go on like this...
