The best waking moments of my life seem to be those that are more like dreams.
I haven't been dreaming lately. This saddens me. Maybe it's because of all that's been going on. Dad's been having more seizures at home and Mom is kind of stressed due to that. And somehow I find myself trying out for a play and organizing a talent show at the same time. And I'm trying to hang out with my friends more, but there's just not enough time to do all this and have any time at the end of the day to relax a little.
What bothers me most is Dad. I've had trouble getting to sleep since a couple of days ago when he started having trouble again. I'm just so worried. People tell me to try to be optimistic and hopeful, but I can't help but wondering how this story will end. He's going to be starting radiation soon. My friend Sam had a Dad go through cancer. He told me never to see Dad go through radiation. He said seeing his dad go through it still gave him nightmares.
What to think in these troubled times? The most comforting thing I can ever do is lay my head down on a pillow and be whisked away by imagination. Sometimes I wonder whether heaven is just one eternal dream. A reverie, ever-changing and morphing to what the thinker wants it to be. And sometimes what the thinker needs, but doesn't realize. There are truly infinite possibilities in the realm of dreams, and every one is unique and meaningful. I've come up with songs before in my sleep. They were better than anything I've written awake.
There are two other comforting thoughts (memories really) I can look at. A flashback to that moment in the St. Joe's Church. Dad had just taken the anointing of the sick. He came and sat back down next to Mom. We all held onto each other, and for a golden, hopeful moment, everything was gone.
And a dream. A single dream from long ago. Micheal and Jessica and Andy and Mom and Dad and me, hugging in a beautiful, bittersweet moment. And behind us is a montage of all the happy places we've been together. Seattle, Maui, Lake Cushman, the list goes on. And when it goes black, we're still there, hugging.
Things are what you make of them. But dreams are what your soul makes of you.
3 comments:
Joe, enjoyed your reflection on the nature of dreams. I'm worried @ your dad too, as are lots of his friends across the country. Just keep praying...this is a marathon, and the race is far from over.
BTW, who are your favorite pianists?
"A flashback to that moment in the St. Joe's Church. Dad had just taken the anointing of the sick. He came and sat back down next to Mom. We all held onto each other, and for a golden, hopeful moment, everything was gone."
...best paragraph I've read in a while.
I'm sorry about your dad, I know a woman who had cancer, she prayed and believed she would get better and after several months of all her friends and family and the entire church praying a long side her, she got better. She now is living happily with her son and daughter and it hasn't come back since. Hang in their and keep praying.
I loved what you said about dreams, dreams can come to our rescue very often. Here's a suggestion that may help, right before you go to sleep. Light a candle and let the candle be the only light in the room. Focus on solely the flame and let your worries slip away. Imagine a place where you could just relax and be at peace; anywhere you want in the clouds, an ancient garden, anywhere you want as long as you enjoy being there. Focus on good memories or stories you've read and begin to create your own story. I've tried it and it worked for me. you could always try reading before bed, that may help give you something else to focus on for a bit.
Personnaly I think that heavan is differant for everyone, and is sometmes more simple than people make it out to be, I think that it's those moments of utter euphoria. When we are with people we love and who love us back.
Now I shall give you a few quotes that I hope help
Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life
and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all;
This, too, shall pass.
-Ann Landers
Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.
---Helen Keller
Hope is a waking dream.
--Aristotle
Dreams are neccasary to life
--Anais Nin
I will pray for your father too, L8r. and Good Luck.
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