Twilight

Lately, there's been a storm of resentment building up in me against the whole twilight phenomena. The movie turned out to be such a big deal that I went, grudgingly, with a friend and sat through it. And over the last couple of days, during the trip to Seattle, we've burned through an audiobook version of New Moon, the second book in the Twilight series. I'm not sure why we listened to that before popping in To Kill A Mockingbird, a much appreciated change in pace. It was mostly for Andy's sake, who slept through most of it, due to illness. Of course, I doubt he had sincere interest in listening to the book either. More likely, he was listening to it to gain the infinite female appeal that twilight readership seems to carry with it.

After finishing the last, fourteenth disc of the book (which seemed an ungodly length for a relatively uneventful book), Mom made her own observations. Coining the term from Dad: Bubble Gum, she called it. Tastes alright, but no substance. Now I'm not necessarily against bubble gum media. It can be fun from time to time.

But this has gotten out of hand.

I haven't met a girl who hasn't gotten defensive or irrational when the quality of Twilight came into question. Often, I've heard excuses along the lines of, "You just don't get it. There's a special bond between Bella and Edward. It's true love." THEY'RE TEENAGERS! And what's more annoying is seeing girls almost worship this fictional character in all of his fantastic beauty. I've seen way too many pictures of Edward (from the movie) posted up in girl's locker. I can almost understand it. I mean, this seems to have struck a soft spot in just about every girl alive, the soft spot for romanticism and sentimentalism.

But it's still gotten out of hand.

It also wouldn't be so bad if the book series could actually claim to be a good influence. It's tried to make it's claim as a good influence, but it's not. Edward is abusive, Bella is unhealthy, and the culture that the book's popularity has formed is frightening, and frighteningly large. I know I'm biased, but at least I'm sort of backed up. This book review is from national review online. Here's the link.

If you don't feel like wading through it, here's the final summary.

In the final analysis, Meyer has deprived her characters of both choices and consequences. And young readers are left with the image of a girl who discovers her own worth and gets all she ever wanted, by giving up her identity and throwing away nearly everything in life that matters.

That’s scarier than any vampire.

Yes. Yes it is.

But, if you've seen the movie and are looking for a good laugh at it's expense, here's another link.

Expect pictures of the road trip coming up...

Spring Break

It's Spring Break.

I'm getting my camera ready...

25 Random Things

Note: I did this because I kept on getting tagged on Facebook to do it. It's one of those Facebook fads. Generally those annoy me. If you have a Facebook profile, please do not encourage or take part in such annoying behavior. But I put a certain amount of effort into this note, so here it is.

1. This may be difficult for me. Twenty-five things...

2. Oh! My age. There's an easy one. I'm 15. I keep on wanting to say something else. I guess it doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well as 13 does...

3. My grade. I'm a sophomore, but due to a lot of factors that have added up in a just fucking silly way, a lot of people mistake for a Junior. No joke. See, for the first semester I actually had second lunch with the Juniors and Seniors. I actually served on the lunch crew. So I guess a lot of upper classmen just assumed I was a Junior. They actually had me on BK Spotlight and they called me a Junior. So that's definitely a reliable source...

4. My friends. Well apparently I'm popular. I know most people, and I'm friends with most of them, except for those annoying-ass people in the back of the room who gossip on and on about absolutely NOTHING. And then one of the guys says some blatent insult or harrases her, or something along those lines, and all she can ever think to say is, "You're so rude." Girls, please take note. That is not going to dissuade anybody, especially if it's completely hypocritical (which it almost always is). Curse at somebody who's pissing you off. Then they'll back off.

5. Close friends. Most of the band, Troy, half of the debate club, and occasionally somebody from class or drama are among my close friends.

6. Marriage. I'm married. Yep. Me and Troy Garcia - heterosexual life partners. Essentially, we're married, but not gay. Of course we have no trouble acting like it. It's awfully fun. If you're reading this, I love you Troy!

7. Family. I am blessed with one hell of a family. My annoying little brother Andy(14), my wise older brother Michael(21), and the ever-practical older sister Jessica(23). My mother's great. My Dad was an incredible man as well, and his impression on me will never fade...

8. More Family. I've got a plethora of cousins and uncles and aunts. Many of them are musicians. Which is really cool, because family band is the epitome of awesome when it's pulled off right. And if anybody knows how to pull it off right, it's the Cieslaks. (that means you Calvin, and Brian too)

9. Strangers. They're usually uncomfortable around me. Unless they're friendly. Then it's great. But I usually come on strong... well whatever. That's more there problem than mine.

10. Wow, we're just burning through these, huh?

11. School. Let me out...................It's so bad..... but I do alright. I get good grades, usually keep myself within A's and B's. Mostly my problem is my natural tendency to sink into a rut, into lethargy. It sucks when I do...

12. Extra-Curricular. Well, drama is the only thing that really applies. I've been in two plays, both pretty fun, and both turning out to be huge commitments. It's funny, I actually started drama because of my lethargy.... Irony....

13. Music. I am a musician. And I like to think I'm a good one. I play piano primarily, a little bit of alto sax, some ocarina, and a good chunk of guitar. And I know enough about drums to write music for them. I've been playing for as long as I remember, and know a lot about music theory.

14. Band. Highly tied in to #13. Because of my experience in music and music theory, I have become a sort of assistant director for the school band. I arrange more than half of the new music we play, and I'm helping put together a concert we're planning on...

15. Other Band. We're called Event Horizon. Standard sort of basement rock band. I've been kicked out once before, and my status is usually tentative - I can be kicked out at any time. I was kicked out because I was originally too bossy, probably because of being assistant director. But I use a softer word these days, and things seem to be going well with this band...

16. Drama. I'm an actor. Sort of. I've been in two school plays - 'So Totally Over You' and 'Anne Frank'. They are fun, but they usually prove to be much bigger commitments than I predict. I hope to do a few more before I graduate. It's fun.

17. Sports. Well I'm not very athletic, but I do play hockey, of all things. I play for the Bishop Kelly hockey team. Or at least, I did, before the school decided to get rid of the hockey team. We are technically no longer affiliated with the school. It's kind of dumb that they kicked us out, but also kind of school because we're not part of the school!

18. Mondays. I've written a book, called Mondays. It's not that great, but I'd love to suppose that's it mildly entertaining. It's double spaced and above three hundred pages though, so I feel a a little bit proud about that.

19. Programming. I'm apparently quite apt at it, as I soon discovered after taking the school's introductory Java class, and switching early into the advanced class at semester. I'm still working on a text-based game similar to Fire Emblem.

20. Young Wizards. Do a little research, and you'll discover that I was involved with a bit of fan-art based off the young wizards book series, which I used to be a fanatic of. I still love the books - they're like a mix between Harry Potter and A Wrinkle In Time....

21. Three Backpacks and a Guitar. An album I've been working on for a while. I've already done some good songs, but the problem is that I really don't think the sound of my voice is good enough. Maybe I'll get somebody else to do it.

22. Video Games. Love 'em. Specifically Nintendo, although I admit I'm very disappointed in them as of late. All of the old games they used to make are incredible, and even more great considering the age they were produced, but they have gotten into a bad habit of using gimmicks instead of content and quality to make money. It's unfortunate that it works so well... let's hope they do something right with the money they make...

23. Homework. What, you think I do my homework? Why do you think I'm writing this thing?

24. The Randomness Of Life. That's my blog. If you're reading this from Facebook rather than my blog itself, here's the address - http://alcatraz014.blogspot.com

25. Well that's all I have to say right now. Oh! And check out "The Order of the Stick" if you're still bored. I'm out!

Google Maps

Props to Google.

I found this picture of Elm Grove Park while virtually walking through the north end. Had a picture for every third of a block or so, and you could toggle the picture around - look up, to the left, right, down, zoom in a bit, whatever. Something is really fascinating about that.

Where did they get all those pictures? That's starting to confuse me. I mean, I understand how they can scan the earth from a bird's eyes view with their nifty satellites, but how on earth are they getting pictures like this? It looks like you'd have to be standing there, looking towards it, or looking up, to get a lot of these. It's a bit puzzling.

But it's not a bad thing. It's incredible really. It's like magic. We're getting close to a point where satellites and cameras will be interconnected in such a way that they can take high quality still-pictures of the entire earth at any point in time. They could maybe clean up their whole interface. It was a bit difficult to move virtually through the north end. Something seems fascinating about the ability, though, to look through what you neighborhood, or your planet was like at a point in time. It's a new sort of power that we've never had before.

I'm still confused though. How are they getting all of these pictures? If you've got any idea, leave a comment, because I'm still perplexed.

Uncertainty

They say death and taxes are the only sure things in life.

But say your government falls into anarchy, and there are no taxes?

And say medicine advances far enough to cure death?

What then can you be sure of?

Of course, I understand what the old saying means. Nothing in life is certain. And I agree. I keep on thinking I know something, and then I find out I'm wrong.

I remember when I went to camp at Camp Orkilah back in Washington talking about certainty. These kids told me that if you believed something, truly, one hundred and ten percent believed something as a complete fact, it would become a fact. If you truly believed the wall wasn't there, it would disappear. Of course, the catch was that you can never actually be completely, one hundred percent sure of anything. Ever.

It's supposed to be a statement about the power of perception. I don't believe that, but it does point out something about certainties. They're not one hundred percent.

I thought I had death figured out, to an extent. People didn't just die unless it was a tragic accident or medical problem, whether it was preexisting or recently attained. I was wrong. I remember, I was talking to my cousin Cathy. She mentioned her first husband, who died tragically. He felt crummy one morning, Cathy and the couple's son went out for chores, and when they came back, he was dead. The doctors couldn't find the cause of the death and filed it as unknown.

So, I'm not certain of anything more. A man can look fine today and be dead or terminally ill the next day. There is an inherent chaos and instability and uncertainty to life that will ironically never change. All we can do is try to understand it.

Death and taxes... Nothing is certain.

A Warning

I don't think I'll be talking about my late Dad much. I'm not trying to just move on, or whatever, I just don't really want to write about it, or I feel like I lack the eloquence to do it. So when you see new posts that make it seem like I'm just fine, it's not because I'm over it, it's just that I don't want to write about him. It still haunts me, but I knew it would. So I'm just warning you. Besides, my uncle is doing a much better job of writing about Gary than I ever could have done... (Switch2planb.com)

Requiem Part 2

It's been more than a week since Dad's death.

We held the funeral in the beautifully redone St. Mary's. That Dad never got to see finished...

I've been back to school.

But it's not the same.

It never will be.

Even if it's something in the back of my head,

Reminding me when I wake up.

About that terrible year that Dad's life was slowly sucked away.

He died on January 30th, a few days before Groundhog's Day, which would've been the anniversary of the last time he walked and the last time we took him to the hospital.

Because after that we wouldn't let him leave home.

I can't believe that after that year, in the course of 365 days, that he is so gone.

Everyday, I wake up,
And I'm reminded for a moment,
For the pain a man suffered,
And the inevitable loss his family felt as he died.
I say to myself, "My Dad is dead.
I have one parent who's dealing with the intensity of her own loss,
Which I must say is alot stronger for her."

But everyday, when I go to bed, I try to remember who he was before the cancer.
I remember this quote that has been repeated many times upon Dad's death.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have
kept the faith.

And I ask myself,
Would he be proud of me right now?

Requiem

When I came home Monday, Dad was unresponsive, laying there, in the hospital bed we had moved into the bedroom a week earlier. A priest was standing over Dad as I walked in, speaking some sort of blessing over him. I joined my family around him. Tears flowed freely as we realized how close our dear father was to death.

Over the course of the day, Dad miraculously sustained somewhat stable conditions while family and friends arrived at house. Mom's friend Beth, and Gary's father, Don. Dad survived the night, but remained unresponsive and of declining, hopeless health. By the end of the next day, Uncle David, Uncle Brian, Uncle Jeff, Aunt Kim, and Aunt Amy, as well as a few of their spouses. We convened in Dad's bedroom, sitting by him, standing watch.

His whole family was there in the house.
His wife, laying next to him on the hospital bed, squeezed up against the metal bars.
His siblings, scattered around the bedroom, or throughout the house helping.
His dad, sitting solemnly in the armchair.
His kids, kissing him goodnight and sleeping on the floor to be near to him.
Even his dog Yogi was there, sitting vigilantly next to him on the bed.

A hospice nurse came by, and estimated that he could last a couple of days. By Wednesday, Mom began to prepare us, telling us she anticipated Dad's death sometime that night. But he held on.

By Thursday, Gary's vitals were decreasing. Not shocking, but an ominous sign of his imminent death. Mom, with more certainty this time, told us Dad would probably die during the night. But he held on.

On Friday, a chaplain from St. Luke's came by and prayed a blessing over Dad. Mom cried silently into Dad's shoulder. The chaplain left. And suddenly, Dad's breathing became astoundingly shallow. Mom called us over, intuiting her husband's last moments. His kids came to him and held his hand, whispering "I love you, Dad"s as Gary passed away.

It was no surprise, really, to anybody.

Somehow I thought that would soften the blow.

It didn't.

The problem here is that this is more than the death of a father, or a husband, or a brother, or a son. It's so much more. Words fail to explain it.

(to be continued?)

Breaking the Weekend Down

Friday -
Varsity Hockey Game. We tied, 2-2.
Band performance. We got asked to come back the following night, even though it wasn't scheduled.

Saturday -
Varsity Playoff Hockey Game. We lost, by a considerable margin. A goalie had to step in for ours, and he wasn't any good. Final score was something like 9-1.
Band performance. Pretty good, but they had something planned for halftime, which was kind of frustrating, seeing as we were asked to come and play.
Soc-hop. Came right after the game. Kind of a flop, and I didn't really dance, but still kind of fun. The student body managed to get glow stick all over the place, throw some at the DJ, and break one of the windows up front. I think that was kind of funny.

Sunday -
Helping Jessica move. What a pain. Seriously, it took forever. Having my aunt Terri there helped though.
Band practice. Not BK Band practice, but practice with a more personal band called Event Horizon. I play keyboard, obviously. I didn't get to play much, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

Monday -
Oh, but nothing could quite prepare me for Monday...

Fine, I'm Not Quitting

Happy now?

I can't leave this blog. I was looking back over some of my older material, and I remembered one of the concepts of this blog. I wasn't out to write big, long, articulate essays, just small muses on life or stories about my day. Or whatever. So how can I not have time for this blog?

I do have time. And to an extent I've made some time for this. I recently obtained my driver's license (yes all of you, beware) so I can stay after school later than usual - about an hour. I've been using most of this time to type up Mondays, but the book is almost done. I only have one chapter left to type. So I'll start using this time slot to write my posts.

Aside from almost finishing Mondays, I have been working on the Cover Concert for the BK Band. I've already arranged five of the thirteen songs. In contrast, the actual director is working on finishing his first. But he's busy anyhow, I can't hold it against him. I'm working on getting some singers and some lights. It will be a real show. Plan on coming. Projected Date: February 28th.

I bought my brother his bike, and showed it to him. It was about two hundred dollars, and it seems to be a fairly nice bike. We haven't assembled it yet... It looks like the semester of being on lunch crew for second lunch have finally paid off. Andy (little brother) is grateful.

In other news, the new class schedule is interesting. At some point I will discuss the new schedule and the various classes in some depth.

Thanks, if you came back.
Thanks, if you read this at all.