Sanctuary From Change

Sitting here at the computer these nights, I wonder if I'm in my own world. Everything upstairs and outside seems so distant, it's like I could be stuck alone in this one place forever.

It's not just there though. I get that feeling other places too. Sometimes in my room, or in the car. There's this strange feeling that maybe I won't be able to get out, and this'll be the last place I ever spend time again.

You may be thinking that this is strange, but not so if you think about it. There are people who lock themselves up in a house all the time. Recluses. Hermits. Their lives are confined to a single space. Things don't change for them.

I can almost understand why people choose this way of life. The world is a scary thing. Things and people change. And change is hard. Why not try to block out the change, and make your life a ritual?

I think we all do this to an extent - We keep something in our life that we can always count on to be the same, or something that we try to keep the same. We make habits, and items, as a sanctuary from change.

For example, I've talked about my bracelets before. This one on my right wrist has been on for years now, and the one on my left wrist was on for almost a year as well. I kept them on constantly.

But now one of them is gone.

I'm not going to explain how it happened, but the bracelet on my left wrist is gone. Maybe this shouldn't matter, but it does. Those bracelets were a part of me. They stayed with me through it all - the thick and the thin, the joy and the sorrow, all of my experiences from the past years. If you could see their history, you could see me change and grow.

These two things have become two of the most spiritual things in my life. I kissed them on occasion for good luck, and before major milestones in my life. Hell, I kissed them before I got confirmed. And one of them is gone. Emotionally, it's like all those stories are gone, and I miss all the sentiment of having both of them. Physically I can actually feel that it's gone. My body's gotten so used to having these things on, and now it almost seems to miss them.

Am I being silly? I can't tell. Should it hurt like this, when you lose a sanctuary?